when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
