I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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