how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
