Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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