I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
