All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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