I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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