Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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