He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
