Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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