He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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