No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
