They should really pass out barf bags in church
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
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