I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
