Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
