Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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