Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
