my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
