You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
