Kiss
Puke
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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