She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
