Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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