I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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