is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
