: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
