Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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