no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
