He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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