I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
