please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Farmville is her only friend.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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