I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
