It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
