i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
