If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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