i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
