I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
