Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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