I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
