I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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