This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
