those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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