hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
