i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
