I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
