Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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