you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
