Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
