My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
you made out with another girl for some wings
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
