I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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