Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
