Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
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